11 Mistakes to Avoid During a Divorce

Mistake 1 - Expecting fair and cooperative behaviour from your spouse

Most people facing a divorce are emotionally vulnerable and upset, and many are in a state of denial. People often tell their solicitor that "my spouse would never behave in that way". Although a good divorce solicitor will do their best to prevent disagreement and encourage collaboration, sometimes this is not possible.

Our advice - be aware that your spouse may be looking out for number 1. Once you are involved in a court case, you are part of an adversarial system. You may wish to adopt an attitude of lower expectations, expecting the worse and be surprised. However if yours is the sort of marriage where you think you can sensibly negotiate with your spouse, where you are both thinking realistically and are prepared to compromise to reach a reasonable settlement, we recommend you give serious thought to the collaborative law process.

Mistake 2 - Having totally unrealistic expectations or demands on what you are gaining from a divorce

Too many people start divorce proceedings expecting that they will get everything they want. Often those demands are exaggerated. Since finances, children, property, a business or a pension are in dispute, you will need to make your demands reasonable and not expect that you will get everything.

Our advice - the key in approaching divorce is to have realistic expectations, focus on problem solving and do everything you can to help your own case.

Mistake 3 - Withholding information from your divorce solicitor

Some people do not trust their solicitors, even though the solicitor is representing them. By withholding information about their future plans or financial assets, they try to maintain control over the situation. Some try to pull the wool over their solicitors' eyes but most end up fooling themselves.

Our advice - you need to present a clear slate of what your motives are and if you want your solicitor to do an effective job, they need the whole truth.

Mistake 4 - Allowing emotions rather than logic to rule your legal decisions

Many people going through divorce are emotionally distraught, or they think they are right 100% of the time and they are being victimised by some evil person. If you let your emotions gain control rather than reason and logic, you will undermine your own case.

Our advice - become reflective rather than reactive. Anxious people often don't hear what is said correctly nor do they express themselves well.

Mistake 5 - Not asking appropriate questions or signing documentation without asking questions

Many people are intimidated by the divorce process and even sometimes by their own solicitors, and instead of asking questions accept everything in blind faith. That doesn't work. Instead make sure that you ask as many questions about your settlement as you would if you were buying a car or a house. Be thoughtful and analytical.

Our advice - ask your solicitor for an honest view of what your chances are to obtain assets, home and money. Decide what it is that you really want, and then ask questions of your solicitor to make sure you do everything to get what you realistically want.

Mistake 6 - Expecting the legal system to be fair and the court will see things from your point of view

No matter how much you think you are right, the judge can see issues from another viewpoint, not always yours. Furthermore because of procedural rules, judges often rule on limited information. They don't care if you are nice.

Our advice - don't expect that your viewpoint, no matter how fair and reasonable, will prevail. The more skeptical and balanced you are, the better you can solve problems and obtain the most favourable outcome.

Mistake 7 - Not checking facts or figures given to you

Contrary to popular belief, solicitors are human. They make mistakes. Equally your spouse may not have given the correct information or be withholding information.

Our advice - although many people are intimidated by complicated court forms, or simply want the divorce sorted as soon as possible, you must read all documents to ensure accuracy. Once something enters a judges' memory, or worse still, is incorrectly recorded in a court order, it may be too late to correct.

Mistake 8 - Allowing too much time to pass

Understandably too many people going through divorce proceedings don't want to be bothered by rules and court deadlines. They might just ignore the problem and hope that it will disappear.

Our advice - although you should never be rushed into anything by your solicitor, don't unnecessarily postpone decisions or put off providing requested information. Especially don't delay providing information ordered by the court. Equally if the court order is made and you need to enforce it, don't allow too much time to pass.

Mistake 9 - Not taking independent financial advice

Divorce proceedings involve all your assets, including property and pension, all of which have tax implications.

Our advice - make sure you understand the consequences of divorce. Do you know whether child maintenance is tax deductible? Likewise the best method of handling your new financial situation? Do you have the correct life assurances and the best pension plan for your new life?

Mistake 10 - Not knowing your own financial position

Many people in a divorce, especially woman, have no idea what they really have financially.

Our advice - you need to make sure that you are aware of every asset and investment, from pensions through to life assurance, and make sure you have full documentation. Make sure that you have duplicates of all the necessary documentation - this information will put you in a better negotiating position and should save you money as your solicitor won't have to bill you for time spent down-tracking down the documents. Read every financial statement and make sure you understand them - if not make sure you ask.

Mistake 11 - Don't assume that you know what your future financial position will be

Many people assume that there is a straight 50/50 split of the family assets. Whilst this may well be appropriate in long marriages where there are no dependent children, it may not be appropriate in other cases - eg. short marriages, cases with dependent children or where the parties earning potential are significantly different. An equal division of family assets is not necessarily fair.

Our advice - Don't assume your spouse will act in a certain way, and don't agree something with them without first taking legal advice from a specialist family law solicitor.

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